Helper monkey for seamstresses?

[msmcknittington]

I hate cutting things out. I've been trying to cut out the paper pattern for the New Look dress I'm making all day. There are only eight pieces to cut out, and I have three left. I'm averaging less than one piece an hour. I'm so easily distracted. Whenever I have a pattern to cut out, it's suddenly very important that I clip my fingernails or clean the bathroom. Anything but sitting down with a pair of scissors and a sheet of tissue paper.

It's going to take like three hours of sewing tops for this thing, but like three times as long just to buckle down long enough to cut out the pieces. I hate pinning the tissue down. I hate cutting all the notches and curves and marking the darts and stuff. (OK, I only have two stitches lines to mark on this project, which is such a relief.) I hate cutting carefully, so I don't slip under the pattern and lop off the seam allowance.

What I really need is some sort of trained monkey to cut out all the patterns and fabric for me. Does anyone know where I can find one?

Seriously, if there was a business that charged a reasonable amount to cut out patterns and fabric, I'd grab that offer. I could never be a cutter in theatre -- I'd go crazy by the end of the first day. I'd have to be a stitcher or like the person who cleans lint out of the machines. (Have I ever mentioned how much I love cleaning my machine? I suddenly change into a neat freak. I get out the vacuum and use a can of compressed air to make sure it's really clean.)

The end result will be worth it. Obscene brown and yellow dress with red buttons and topstitching, here I come.

Comments

[sarahlizzi.livejournal.com]

I want monkey(s), too!

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

I want an entire army of helper monkeys! They could fit the backs of things for me and always know where my scissors and pins are at and it would just be wonderful all around.

[gardentraveler.livejournal.com]

This is my first problem with sewing. I have a talent for cutting into the seam allowance. Second problem: unable to sew in a consistently straight line. Needless to say: I rarely sew.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

I don't think I know anyone who really enjoys cutting things out. The only time I enjoy it is when I'm draping a pattern, because that becomes the lining and it's one layer I don't have to cut out.

I love the sewing part. I just have to get through all the stupid cutting first.

[bexi.livejournal.com]

....

*shakily raises hand*

*flees*

[troubleagain.livejournal.com]

It's all right. My gran (back when she was compos mentis) loved cutting out. And all sorts of other tedious tasks. Counting and rolling coins, cutting quilt pieces, sorting small and impossibly finicky items...

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

Becki! Move to Wisconsin so I can boss you around and have you cut out all my sewing projects! You know you want to.

Orchestra? Who needs an orchestra?

[ciorstan.livejournal.com]

I would rather run a snake through the sewer clean-out line in the backyard than cut out fabric, and I just had new meansurements taken for a new effigy-style corset taken for me.

That reminds me, the washing machine is backing up in to our kitchen sink when it drains...

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

I think I've found the thing that would make want to cut things out: dealing with raw sewage. Unfortunately, given my track record, I'd probably develop a burning interest in sewer lines given the right amount of cutting out.

Good luck with the washing machine!

[ciorstan.livejournal.com]

Oh, where's your spirit of adventure? *snrk*

The sudden absence of Alien Invader No. 1 and its Love Child has left me a with -4 off my waistline, even though I'm still a bit puffy. Go me!

So far, the backings-up are merely annoying, rather than catastrophic.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

If only you could market your weight-loss program to the public. Get rid of a growth, lose 4 to 10 inches from your waist!

Our washing machine has started randomly leaking all over the floor on the rinse cycle. We've taken the cover off it and checked all the hoses and connections, and there's no reason it should be doing that. It's just a present every now and then.

I hope the sewage doesn't show up in your house. Ew.

[ciorstan.livejournal.com]

Well...

So far it's just a little grey water in the kitchen sink. Whee! The washing machine and the blockage is 'downstream' from the sink, hence the backfill.

Tomorrow I get to go over to Home Despot and buy myself a cheap snake-- but it's going to be cleaned with alcohol, painted with two coats of Rustoleum and cut up into corset bones...

I love my Dremel tool.

[devikat.livejournal.com]

Right there with ya! Cutting: icky, icky, pittu!

And really... monkeys? Maybe that's where I'm having problems. I just have a [stuffed] penguin that helps me "hold" pins...

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

I really only have a cat who thinks he's a patternweight, so the monkeys would definitely be an improvement.

[troubleagain.livejournal.com]

See, that keeps me from sewing things from patterns. I don't mind knocking something together just for fun (craft type projects), and I can do mending, but I just can't make myself cut out all those pieces.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

My desire for clothes that cost a quarter what they do in the stores is what makes me slog through the cutting out process. And because I can't buy a Tudor kirtle at the mall, you know?

I think the minimal cutting out is the reason I like Elizabethan stuff so much. I can make a dress with about six pieces (front bodice, back bodice, bodice lining pieces, two rectangles for the skirt), and you just can't do that with most modern clothing patterns.

[jljonsn.livejournal.com]

Flying monkeys?

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

Yes! I could store things on high shelves that I need a chair to reach now.

[sstormwatch.livejournal.com]

That's why I moved to rotary cutters and the biggest mat I could find to fit my cutting table. I hated to cut, and now it is easier, so it isn't so annoying anymore. I also don't pin before cutting anymore, preferring weights instead (and now staticky tissue fabric). While I would still rather have someone else cut the material (just how much are trained monkeys), there are alternatives.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

Rotary cutters and I don't get along. It's like finger slice city. Scissors mean I'm less likely to bleed on my project.

I sometimes use fabric weights, but I have a pouncy cat that takes delight in crashing through all things sewing. Unfortunately, his food and litter box are in the basement along with my sewing stuff, so I can't shut him out.

I just can't win!