The postillion was struck by lightning

I hate cutting things out. I've been trying to cut out the paper pattern for the New Look dress I'm making all day. There are only eight pieces to cut out, and I have three left. I'm averaging less than one piece an hour. I'm so easily distracted. Whenever I have a pattern to cut out, it's suddenly very important that I clip my fingernails or clean the bathroom. Anything but sitting down with a pair of scissors and a sheet of tissue paper.

It's going to take like three hours of sewing tops for this thing, but like three times as long just to buckle down long enough to cut out the pieces. I hate pinning the tissue down. I hate cutting all the notches and curves and marking the darts and stuff. (OK, I only have two stitches lines to mark on this project, which is such a relief.) I hate cutting carefully, so I don't slip under the pattern and lop off the seam allowance.

What I really need is some sort of trained monkey to cut out all the patterns and fabric for me. Does anyone know where I can find one?

Seriously, if there was a business that charged a reasonable amount to cut out patterns and fabric, I'd grab that offer. I could never be a cutter in theatre -- I'd go crazy by the end of the first day. I'd have to be a stitcher or like the person who cleans lint out of the machines. (Have I ever mentioned how much I love cleaning my machine? I suddenly change into a neat freak. I get out the vacuum and use a can of compressed air to make sure it's really clean.)

The end result will be worth it. Obscene brown and yellow dress with red buttons and topstitching, here I come.

I really want to order my dressmaker's dummy. I'm prepared; I have the funds. I finally got a newsletter from All Brands, and I'm ready to use my discount code. Five dollars off! That's like a quarter of the shipping charges.

But Uniquely You won't return my phone calls, and apparently they don't have a website. I called them on Thursday before noon and left a message on their answering machine, thinking they'd call me back on Monday. Only they didn't. So I called again on Tuesday. Still no response. People, this is no way to run a business. Seriously, phone calls should be returned within two days.

Since I'd like to have my dummy before May, so I can set the skirt of my kirtle on it and think of a clever name for her, I'm turning to my friends list to figure out what size I should pick. I know at least a couple of you have Uniquely You dummies.

So the sitch is this: I'm between sizes on the chart at All Brands. My hips currently measure 41 inches, which tells me to select a size Medium form, but my bust measurement is 43 inches, which pushes me up a form size. Unfortunately, my waist measurement is currently 31 inches, and that's too small for a Medium-Large sized form.

Apart from the challenge of being shaped like an egg-timer, I also need to consider corsetry, since I'd like to use this for historic costuming, too. My Tudorbethan stuff take about an inch off my waist, but my Victorian corset (which languishes as muslin), gives me a waist measurement of 27 inches, no problem. I could get smaller, but it laces closed at this point. Should I just write off being able to match my corseted measurements with a Uniquely You dummy and just keep my duct tape double around for that?

Right now, I think I'll order a Medium dummy with a size 9 cover. Does that sound like the best choice to everyone? Am I overthinking this?

_{P.S. tattycat I've named the icon I'm using with this post "Hoof Hearted." *immature giggle storm*}