Location, location, location

[msmcknittington]

I'm not the only one who sees something wrong with this dress, am I? I'm thinking of attack_laurel's narrowly avoided boob wreaths. (Blue and white dress, people who aren't me.)

So, I have the Summer 2008 issue of InStyle Weddings, and while there's a lot of fug in it, there was something in the etiquette section that just made me grumpy. I'm just typing it out because I don't feel like paraphrasing.

Question: How should we deal with guests who don't give a gift?

Answer: It's best to be gracious since it could be an oversight, or the gift might have been lost. Don't be tempted to ask, "Did you send us a gift? We're concerned because we're sure you sent one but it seems to have gotten lost." Think about how embarrassing it could be if you inquired, only to be told that they hadn't sent one yet! Also, avoid the temptation to gossip about your concerns. Instead, send each "non-gifting" guest who attended your wedding a note thanking them for coming. Not mentioning a gift will alert them that you didn't receive one. Some people believe it's fine to wait up to a year to send a gift. That's a myth -- as it's far better to send a gift right away or within three months of the wedding -- but it could explain the situation.

Is it just me, or does this operate on the assumption that every guest should and will give a gift? Now, I know it's usual for a guest at a wedding to give a gift, but it should absolutely not be assumed that they will. The role of a wedding guest isn't a potential giver of gifts, but a loved one who is there to help you celebrate your marriage. That's it. They're guests; you're the host. It's especially not right to think of the expected gift as an "admission fee". I'm not saying that this answer does, but there are people who have that mindset.

There's also an ad in here that features a model in a Victorian corset worn backwards while feeding tulle through a pedaled Singer. AGH.

I think it's silly to get all tetchy when someone doesn't bring a hostess gift to a dinner party. I mean, a bottle of wine or dessert is a nice gesture, but I never invited someone to my house for dinner because I was angling for booze or chocolate. It was always because I enjoyed their company (and I hate to eat alone; handicap of growing up with a large family).

Comments

[cigarettes214.livejournal.com]

I went to a wedding where they demanded money in lieu of gifts. Aaaand they spelled it "en lou" on the invite. Yes.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

Ew!

I do plan on giving a gift to my sister and her fiancé, but that's because I love them, not because they expect one. My sister was actually faintly bemused when I asked her if she would like a handknit afghan, because she wasn't expecting anything. I suppose I am in the wedding party, but still.

[isabelladangelo.livejournal.com]

But boob wreaths are period! ::insert evil grin here::

But don't you know the wedding is all about the Bride(zilla)? You are supposed to grace her majesty for the day with alms to make sure you do not feel her wrath.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

Doesn't mean they're tasteful!

Ack, ack, vomit. I have permission to knock my sister down a peg if she gets megalomaniacal. I think I'm going to do it with a spray bottle. "Squirt, squirt! Bad bride!"

[isabelladangelo.livejournal.com]

Cracker Barrel now carries rubber band guns, if you want to go that route. I find them highly effective. Far better than my paper grenades...

[lindseyerin37.livejournal.com]

I think it's really tacky to be upset if someone doesn't give a gift! Reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie adds up the thousands of dollars she's spent on wedding and baby gifts for a friend, when she got nothing because she was single.

Weddings these days seem so over the top and greedy. Yuck.

[bibliocat.livejournal.com]

I've known women who will add up the supposed cost of wedding gifts and compare it to the actual cost of the wedding, to see if they 'broke even.'

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

That's so tacky.

[jennnlee.livejournal.com]

Weddings these days seem to be less about celebrating the marriage and more about how much you can get out of your guests. Like how they do the thing where if you want to dance with the bride or groom, you have to give them money. Because nothing says "congratulations on your new life together" like treating the happy couple like a couple of hookers.

[msmcknittington.livejournal.com]

The pay for a dance thing actually has roots going back to the 19th century. It was a way for the bride and groom to get a start in a life, which is what wedding gifts are supposed to do, too. But I think that dynamic has changed, now that a lot of people are living on their own for years before getting married.